750 word feature story

Today at Mills Fleet Farm is a ghost town. Even though it was a Sunday so there was a brand new sale starting. At this time last year every Sunday was a mob seen you couldn’t even move in the store. You were constantly trying to keep up with the demand of the sale products. Throughout the day you had to deal with your fair share of angry customers, because Fleet Farm would always sell out of the products within an hour. But now we are having a hard time finding a spot in the back to place all the access merchandise. After black Friday during the week the employees probably outnumbered the customers two to one. So then our manager sent out a letter saying they were going to be laying people off and cutting the part timers hours big time. “We had to get rid of some part timers because we were not bringing in enough revenue in order to support them. We also had to raise our standards as an employer on our part time employees, in order to let some people go.” Fleet Farm store Manager Bernie said. This just further proves the loss of business over the Bush terms due to the poor economic plans. “Yeah I don’t think anyone could have run our country any further economically into the ground.” James S said. I even went to fleet farm and asked some of the employees how they felt about job security. “I am so afraid of doing something wrong like being late or making a mistake on paper work because Fleet Farm has been releasing people like mad. So I have been looking for other jobs just in case so that I have something to fall back on.” Said a part time employee at Fleet Farm. You can even look at the electronics business of Circuit City who had to close their doors completely on March 9, 2009. The loss of jobs just from that business is insane, and it puts more pressure on the people who already have jobs at a retail stores. It makes it tougher to keep a job because there is always someone who is willing to take your job and probably do it for cheaper because they need the money. Even my sister said “I have noticed the amount of jobs that have been lost by college students up at St.Cloud.” It just amazing how many high school and college kids are losing their jobs, because adults are losing their jobs and are willing to settle for a part time job that a normal teenager would hold. So all I can say is that I hope Obama’s stimulus package really works and starts to turn this country around. Even though I have been able to make good friends with my managers at Fleet Farm. I still worry about getting fired, for example when I decided I was only going to work weekends because I was falling behind in my school work because I was working 40 hours a week. I thought they would fire me but then the economy crashed and they started to only work part timers on the weekends. But before I turned it in I had a talk with my parents about the fact that I might get fired for trying to change my availability. Over the last four months at Fleet Farm I have seen a fair share of the part timers go in sporting goods alone. Out of the ten part timers that worked before the economic down turn, now there are only four of us. And it looks like a couple more of us are riding on the edge of being fired. This job loss at Fleet Farm I know has affected the surrounding area because a lot of the people fired owned apartments in the Twin Cities. Plus Fleet Farm was there only source of income to pay for their apartments. And whenever I saw them after that they didn’t have a job, because retail was so bad and they were still in school. So it’s not like they could go and work a full time job. Now what people don’t realize is that the more people that keep losing their jobs in retail stores around the country. All its doing is making it harder to stand out from the crowd of people applying for jobs. In order to get hired at a retail store, because they can keep raising their standards, so in the end it’s just a downward spiral and we really need something to jump start the economy.

peer edit Brady Fish

1. I don't think your story needs any more detail. You did a great job of describing what kind of guy he was and painted a clear picture.

2. The lead was great it got me involved in the story right away. And another source you could use would be someone an imediate family member.

3. I don't feel that you need to add anything to the first 450 words you painted a great picture of what is happening.

4. In the next 300 words you could talk about how his death has affected his friends and family. that is the only other thing that i would be interested in reading and would go good with your story.

Peer Edit Jeff Curry

1. Go more in depth on some of the stuff that happened in the 2007 and 2008 seasons.

2. You could use the coaches for a source. Yes because it makes you want to find out what the difference is between a club team and a varsity team.

3. There really isn't a clear scene yet but you could easily add one now that you have provided background information. so you could talk about something that happens on a club team and how it is different from what happens on a varsity team.

4.You did a great job on the background information of the Eastview varsity team but in the next 300 words you need to add a scene about the difference in club and varsity lacrosse

Recent loss in business in retail

Today at Mills Fleet Farm is a ghost town. Even though it was a Sunday so there was a brand new sale starting. At this time last year every Sunday was a mob seen you couldn’t even move in the store. You were constantly trying to keep up with the demand of the sale products. Throughout the day you had to deal with your fair share of angry customers, because Fleet Farm would always sell out of the products within an hour. But now we are having a hard time finding a spot in the back to place all the access merchandise. After black Friday during the week the employees probably outnumbered the customers two to one. So then our manager sent out a letter saying they were going to be laying people off and cutting the part timers hours big time. “We had to get rid of some part timers because we were not bringing in enough revenue in order to support them. We also had to raise our standards as an employer on our part time employees, in order to let some people go.” Fleet Farm store Manager Bernie said. This just further proves the loss of business over the Bush terms due to the poor economic plans. “Yeah I don’t think anyone could have run our country any further economically into the ground.” James S said. I even went to fleet farm and asked some of the employees how they felt about job security. “I am so afraid of doing something wrong like being late or making a mistake on paper work because Fleet Farm has been releasing people like mad. So I have been looking for other jobs just in case so that I have something to fall back on.” Said a part time employee at Fleet Farm. You can even look at the electronics business of Circuit City who had to close their doors completely on March 9, 2009. The loss of jobs just from that business is insane, and it puts more pressure on the people who already have jobs at a retail stores. It makes it tougher to keep a job because there is always someone who is willing to take your job and probably do it for cheaper because they need the money. Even my sister said “I have noticed the amount of jobs that have been lost by college students up at St.Cloud.” It just amazing how many high school and college kids are losing their jobs, because adults are losing their jobs and are willing to settle for a part time job that a normal teenager would hold. So all I can say is that I hope Obama’s stimulus package really works and starts to turn this country around.

Theme Statement: The loss of bussiness and jobs at Fleet Farm and reatail stores around America.
Sources:
1. Manager Mark
2. Manager Ryan
3. Store owner Bernie
4. James Sullivan
5. Jack Sullivan
Questions:
1. How many employees have been layed off in the last year?
2. where do you think Fleet Farm stands finacialy?
3. At your job how many jobs do you see get sent overseas?
4. How safe do you feel with your job and how safe should employees feel with their jobs?
5.As of late do you think reatail stores or Fleet Farm in specific has started to gain business again and get back to normal?

peer edit

I peer edited Tou Lee's and Sam Sokolls Voices of Hope Articles.

voices of hope 450 word

Rock on! That’s what the charity event Voices of Hope was doing from 8AM to 12AM on Friday, February 20, 2009 at the Eastview Theater. The charity program was arranged by the Eastview girl’s choir with hopes of raising 25,000 dollars towards cancer patients and their families. All proceeds from Voices of Hope will go to help support one family who has been devastated by cancer by possibly paying their rent, mortgage, grocery bills, for gas, and all payments that affect the care and treatment their family member who has been diagnosed with cancer.During the day Eastview students themselves packed the auditorium to support their singing classmates. Also parent took time out of their busy schedules to help support Voices of hope in their quest to raise 25,000 dollars. Even the Eastview faculty went on stage and performed a little section of Mama Mia with Dr.Peterson. And Mr.Tomlinson a Eastview math teacher went on stage to share his passionof singing for a great cause.He sang opera and as I watched him you could see how much he felt the music as his booming voice echoed throughout the auditorium. This is a moving expeirence for cancer patients but also a lasting memory for the students who were involved. And as Jessica M stated “ It felt great to participait in something greater then myself and sing for such a great cause. This is something I will remember for the rest of my life and I am proud that I got to be part of the first group that started this tradition at Eastview.” This tradition will be carried on for years to come at Eastview High School. Eastview is proud of what there students we able to put together for such a noble cause. To take time out of their busy schedules to help raise money for cancer patients and their families. Even faculty members showed their support of the cause by going on stage and performing to help raise money and keep the audience entertained throughout the day. The charity event even sold food that anyone could buy with all of the profits going tho the angle foundation. As we all realize how much cancer has affected everyones life. When I asked my physics class to raise there hand if they had a close friend or family member who had been killed by cancer. Every hand in the class room went up. Cancer is something that affects all of us wether we have it or not. That is why it is great to see a charity that is there for the patients and there families. Because until we find a cure, the families with cancer will need our support to help them get through their difficult times.