http://www.district196.org/evhs/academics/journalism/JackS/

movie

1.they call the editor of the magazine and ask for the numbers, and the information of the people who were interviewed.
2.he is really upset and goes as far as to making glass take him to the places where the hackers convention took place and also giving all the numbers of the people interviewed and the web address of just micronics.
3.he acts like he is super apologetic about the situation and he shows that he is trying to be loyal to the magazine, however with going to school full time he is being put under a lot of stress and made a huge mistake
4.he says that all the information was taken from a source which isnt true, and claims that the reason everyone calling the people interviewed were getting answering machines and no call back was because those people are so upset over the article. When really Glass made the whole thing up
5.The stress he was put under and kinda the same thing about how people were calling and getting the machine and it was because they wern't happy about the printed article
6. everyone will go because they love him, and he writes such good stories normally, but then Lane found out that all of his stories were made up.

perspective final

I know many of you have noticed, when you come out of school most days you will see a cop parked somewhere on the side of the road. As they just sit there with their radar guns out and waiting for that one speeding kid on his way home. Now I don’t hate all cops just the ones that spend all day looking for minor traffic violations. I realized how many cops did this when I went to court for my speeding ticket. There were so many people with traffic violations. As all of them went up, the city always removed the violation of the person’s record. But kept the fine for the violation, which gave me the feeling that the city just wants the money and they don’t care about the violation. I was going almost 20 over and I had no problem getting my ticket of my record. The city just wants the money and that’s why they send so many cops out, to just go and park on the side of the road and catch traffic violations.

Also anyone who has gotten in an accident and received a speeding ticket knows how long it takes for cops to arrive for an accident, over a ticket. When I got into my accident and had to call the cops for it. It took about an hour for one cop to show up. But when I got my speeding ticket, the time it took to receive the ticket couldn’t have been greater than ten minutes. And there were three cops around me by the end of the ordeal. Now I feel that this is an extremely significant difference in time between the two events, and it should be the other way around.

Also if you go around the school today and ask a bunch of Eastview High School students if they have received a ticket or at least been pulled over for a traffic violation. And the majority of them will say they have. Now I know a lot of High School kids speed but the amount that have gotten a ticket is way too high and just shows that there are way too many cops on the road if all they are going to do is look for traffic violations.

Peer Edit Brady Fish

1. Is there a clear point of view? (position)
No, he states every thing that is wrong but not a very clear piont of view.
2. Does the Op-Ed state the problem and solution simply?
Yes, does a great job of stating the problem.
3. Does the piece address the counter arguments?
Not really, he just needs to add something from the other side.
4. Is the Op-Ed interesting?
Yes, it is very interesting.
5. Are the paragraphs organized logically?
Yes, the article flows very well.
6. Does each paragraph develop an idea to support the thesis?
Yes, does a great job of that.
7. Is the writing clear?
Yes, story is very clear and flows really well.

Peer Edit Peter Bryan

1. Is there a clear point of view? (position)
The point of view, I am not sure of but the contraversy is over the fighting sioux.
2. Does the Op-Ed state the problem and solution simply?
i know the problem is the logo of ND, is about to change do to the fact that the indian tribes find it offensive. But im not sure what the solution is.
3. Does the piece address the counter arguments?
No, not really the story is based behind students of ND and nothing from the indian side.
4. Is the Op-Ed interesting?
Yes, the story is very interesting and very well written.
5. Are the paragraphs organized logically?
Yes, the story flows very well.
6. Does each paragraph develop an idea to support the thesis?
Each paragraph dovelopes an idea and does expand on the thesis.
7. Is the writing clear?
Yes, the story flows great.

perspective

I know many of you have noticed, when you come out of school most days you will see a cop parked somewhere on the side of the road. As they just sit there with their radar guns out and waiting for that one speeding kid on his way home. Now I don’t hate all cops just the ones that spend all day looking for minor traffic violations. I realized how many cops did this when I went to court for my speeding ticket. There were so many people with traffic violations. As all of them went up, the city always removed the violation of the person’s record. But kept the fine for the violation, which gave me the feeling that the city just wants the money and they don’t care about the violation. I was going almost 20 over and I had no problem getting my ticket of my record. The city just wants the money and that’s why they send so many cops out, to just go and park on the side of the road and catch traffic violations. Also anyone who has gotten in an accident and received a speeding ticket knows how long it takes for cops to arrive for an accident, over a ticket. When I got into my accident and had to call the cops for it. It took about an hour for one cop to show up. But when I got my speeding ticket, the time it took to receive the ticket couldn’t have been greater than ten minutes. And there were three cops around me by the end of the ordeal. Now I feel that this is an extremely significant difference in time between the two events, and it should be the other way around. Also if you go around the school today and ask a bunch of Eastview High School students if they have received a ticket or at least been pulled over for a traffic violation. And the majority of them will say they have. Now I know a lot of High School kids speed but the amount that have gotten a ticket is way too high and just shows that there are way too many cops on the road if all they are going to do is look for traffic violations.

Pre Writting Perspective with Brady Fish

1. That to many cops are sitting around trying to catch someone making a minor traffic violation. then actually protecting and serving the community.

2. I do believe that there are too many cops looking for speeders.

3. The reason why is that we feel more cops should be protecting me and not trying to give me a traffic violation.

4. 1. The amount of drug use has gone up, so more cops have been hired.
2. The percentage of people that have recieved a traffic violation in the past year.
3. The amount of time it takes for them to show up for an accident compared to a traffic violation.
4. That the city just wants their money for the ticket. They dont actually care about the violation.

5. To watch for cops and drive more carefull.

6. It will reduce the amount of traffric violations and get more cops to focus on drugs and other major offences.

750 word feature story

Today at Mills Fleet Farm is a ghost town. Even though it was a Sunday so there was a brand new sale starting. At this time last year every Sunday was a mob seen you couldn’t even move in the store. You were constantly trying to keep up with the demand of the sale products. Throughout the day you had to deal with your fair share of angry customers, because Fleet Farm would always sell out of the products within an hour. But now we are having a hard time finding a spot in the back to place all the access merchandise. After black Friday during the week the employees probably outnumbered the customers two to one. So then our manager sent out a letter saying they were going to be laying people off and cutting the part timers hours big time. “We had to get rid of some part timers because we were not bringing in enough revenue in order to support them. We also had to raise our standards as an employer on our part time employees, in order to let some people go.” Fleet Farm store Manager Bernie said. This just further proves the loss of business over the Bush terms due to the poor economic plans. “Yeah I don’t think anyone could have run our country any further economically into the ground.” James S said. I even went to fleet farm and asked some of the employees how they felt about job security. “I am so afraid of doing something wrong like being late or making a mistake on paper work because Fleet Farm has been releasing people like mad. So I have been looking for other jobs just in case so that I have something to fall back on.” Said a part time employee at Fleet Farm. You can even look at the electronics business of Circuit City who had to close their doors completely on March 9, 2009. The loss of jobs just from that business is insane, and it puts more pressure on the people who already have jobs at a retail stores. It makes it tougher to keep a job because there is always someone who is willing to take your job and probably do it for cheaper because they need the money. Even my sister said “I have noticed the amount of jobs that have been lost by college students up at St.Cloud.” It just amazing how many high school and college kids are losing their jobs, because adults are losing their jobs and are willing to settle for a part time job that a normal teenager would hold. So all I can say is that I hope Obama’s stimulus package really works and starts to turn this country around. Even though I have been able to make good friends with my managers at Fleet Farm. I still worry about getting fired, for example when I decided I was only going to work weekends because I was falling behind in my school work because I was working 40 hours a week. I thought they would fire me but then the economy crashed and they started to only work part timers on the weekends. But before I turned it in I had a talk with my parents about the fact that I might get fired for trying to change my availability. Over the last four months at Fleet Farm I have seen a fair share of the part timers go in sporting goods alone. Out of the ten part timers that worked before the economic down turn, now there are only four of us. And it looks like a couple more of us are riding on the edge of being fired. This job loss at Fleet Farm I know has affected the surrounding area because a lot of the people fired owned apartments in the Twin Cities. Plus Fleet Farm was there only source of income to pay for their apartments. And whenever I saw them after that they didn’t have a job, because retail was so bad and they were still in school. So it’s not like they could go and work a full time job. Now what people don’t realize is that the more people that keep losing their jobs in retail stores around the country. All its doing is making it harder to stand out from the crowd of people applying for jobs. In order to get hired at a retail store, because they can keep raising their standards, so in the end it’s just a downward spiral and we really need something to jump start the economy.

peer edit Brady Fish

1. I don't think your story needs any more detail. You did a great job of describing what kind of guy he was and painted a clear picture.

2. The lead was great it got me involved in the story right away. And another source you could use would be someone an imediate family member.

3. I don't feel that you need to add anything to the first 450 words you painted a great picture of what is happening.

4. In the next 300 words you could talk about how his death has affected his friends and family. that is the only other thing that i would be interested in reading and would go good with your story.

Peer Edit Jeff Curry

1. Go more in depth on some of the stuff that happened in the 2007 and 2008 seasons.

2. You could use the coaches for a source. Yes because it makes you want to find out what the difference is between a club team and a varsity team.

3. There really isn't a clear scene yet but you could easily add one now that you have provided background information. so you could talk about something that happens on a club team and how it is different from what happens on a varsity team.

4.You did a great job on the background information of the Eastview varsity team but in the next 300 words you need to add a scene about the difference in club and varsity lacrosse

Recent loss in business in retail

Today at Mills Fleet Farm is a ghost town. Even though it was a Sunday so there was a brand new sale starting. At this time last year every Sunday was a mob seen you couldn’t even move in the store. You were constantly trying to keep up with the demand of the sale products. Throughout the day you had to deal with your fair share of angry customers, because Fleet Farm would always sell out of the products within an hour. But now we are having a hard time finding a spot in the back to place all the access merchandise. After black Friday during the week the employees probably outnumbered the customers two to one. So then our manager sent out a letter saying they were going to be laying people off and cutting the part timers hours big time. “We had to get rid of some part timers because we were not bringing in enough revenue in order to support them. We also had to raise our standards as an employer on our part time employees, in order to let some people go.” Fleet Farm store Manager Bernie said. This just further proves the loss of business over the Bush terms due to the poor economic plans. “Yeah I don’t think anyone could have run our country any further economically into the ground.” James S said. I even went to fleet farm and asked some of the employees how they felt about job security. “I am so afraid of doing something wrong like being late or making a mistake on paper work because Fleet Farm has been releasing people like mad. So I have been looking for other jobs just in case so that I have something to fall back on.” Said a part time employee at Fleet Farm. You can even look at the electronics business of Circuit City who had to close their doors completely on March 9, 2009. The loss of jobs just from that business is insane, and it puts more pressure on the people who already have jobs at a retail stores. It makes it tougher to keep a job because there is always someone who is willing to take your job and probably do it for cheaper because they need the money. Even my sister said “I have noticed the amount of jobs that have been lost by college students up at St.Cloud.” It just amazing how many high school and college kids are losing their jobs, because adults are losing their jobs and are willing to settle for a part time job that a normal teenager would hold. So all I can say is that I hope Obama’s stimulus package really works and starts to turn this country around.

Theme Statement: The loss of bussiness and jobs at Fleet Farm and reatail stores around America.
Sources:
1. Manager Mark
2. Manager Ryan
3. Store owner Bernie
4. James Sullivan
5. Jack Sullivan
Questions:
1. How many employees have been layed off in the last year?
2. where do you think Fleet Farm stands finacialy?
3. At your job how many jobs do you see get sent overseas?
4. How safe do you feel with your job and how safe should employees feel with their jobs?
5.As of late do you think reatail stores or Fleet Farm in specific has started to gain business again and get back to normal?

peer edit

I peer edited Tou Lee's and Sam Sokolls Voices of Hope Articles.

voices of hope 450 word

Rock on! That’s what the charity event Voices of Hope was doing from 8AM to 12AM on Friday, February 20, 2009 at the Eastview Theater. The charity program was arranged by the Eastview girl’s choir with hopes of raising 25,000 dollars towards cancer patients and their families. All proceeds from Voices of Hope will go to help support one family who has been devastated by cancer by possibly paying their rent, mortgage, grocery bills, for gas, and all payments that affect the care and treatment their family member who has been diagnosed with cancer.During the day Eastview students themselves packed the auditorium to support their singing classmates. Also parent took time out of their busy schedules to help support Voices of hope in their quest to raise 25,000 dollars. Even the Eastview faculty went on stage and performed a little section of Mama Mia with Dr.Peterson. And Mr.Tomlinson a Eastview math teacher went on stage to share his passionof singing for a great cause.He sang opera and as I watched him you could see how much he felt the music as his booming voice echoed throughout the auditorium. This is a moving expeirence for cancer patients but also a lasting memory for the students who were involved. And as Jessica M stated “ It felt great to participait in something greater then myself and sing for such a great cause. This is something I will remember for the rest of my life and I am proud that I got to be part of the first group that started this tradition at Eastview.” This tradition will be carried on for years to come at Eastview High School. Eastview is proud of what there students we able to put together for such a noble cause. To take time out of their busy schedules to help raise money for cancer patients and their families. Even faculty members showed their support of the cause by going on stage and performing to help raise money and keep the audience entertained throughout the day. The charity event even sold food that anyone could buy with all of the profits going tho the angle foundation. As we all realize how much cancer has affected everyones life. When I asked my physics class to raise there hand if they had a close friend or family member who had been killed by cancer. Every hand in the class room went up. Cancer is something that affects all of us wether we have it or not. That is why it is great to see a charity that is there for the patients and there families. Because until we find a cure, the families with cancer will need our support to help them get through their difficult times.

Rock On!

Rock on! That’s what the charity event Voices of Hope was doing from 8AM to 12AM on Friday, February 20, 2009 at the Eastview Theater. The charity program was arranged by the Eastview girl’s choir with hopes of raising 25,000 dollars towards cancer patients and their families. All proceeds from Voices of Hope will go to help support one family who has been devastated by cancer by possibly paying their rent, mortgage, grocery bills, for gas, and all payments that affect the care and treatment their family member who has been diagnosed with cancer.During the day Eastview students themselves packed the auditorium to support their singing classmates. Also parent took time out of their busy schedules to help support Voices of hope in their quest to raise 25,000 dollars. Even the Eastview faculty went on stage and performed a little section of Mama Mia with Dr.Peterson. And Mr.Tomlinson a Eastview math teacher went on stage to share his passionof singing for a great cause.He sang opera and as I watched him you could see how much he felt the music as his booming voice echoed throughout the auditorium. This is a moving expeirence for cancer patients but also a lasting memory for the students who were involved. And as Jessica M stated “ It felt great to participait in something greater then myself and sing for such a great cause. This is something I will remember for the rest of my life and I am proud that I got to be part of the first group that started this tradition at Eastview.”

Rock on! That’s what the charity event Voices of Hope was doing from 8AM to 12AM on Friday, February 2, 2009 at the Eastview Theater. The charity program was arranged by the Eastview girl’s choir with hopes of raising 25,000 dollars towards cancer patients and their families. The Eastview students themselves packed the auditorium throughout the day to support their singing classmates.

Company: Bud Light
Target Audience: everyone over the age of 21.
Persuasive: they use humor by watching some guy crash hardcore while he was skiing.
Camera Shots: It does a good job of setting up the moment when the guy is about to hit the tree.
Slogan: The Difference is Drinkability
Effective: i think the commercial did a great job of letting you know the difference between their product and their compeditors product.

Company: Coke Zero
target Audience: I would say adults because it is a reamke of the commercial that most adults would remember.
Persuasive: They truly use humor because if you know the commercial they are remaking then its a funny commercial.
Camera Shots: I think that the camera shots made you feel as if you were right there so i think they did a good job with the camera shots.
Slogan:Real Taste
Effective: I think the commercial will make you remember coke zero, so it was very effective.

Company: bud light
Target audience:adults who are having problems with their jobs in these hard economic times with their compony's going bankrupt.
persuasive methods: Humor
Camera shots: They have a great camera shot when they go outside the building and you see the guy come flying out from the top floor.
Slogan: The Difference is Drinkability
Effective: I thought it was very effective in trying to sell Bud Light.

Company: Bridgestone
Target Audience: yound adults who own cars, and car fanatics.
Persuasive method: they used action, comedy and some human interest plus just a great song.
Camera Shots: I thought the camera shots were ok but the camera angle jumps from one to the next way to quick and too many different camera angles.
Slogan: Bridgestone or Nothing
Effective: yes because it shows bridgestone is good anywhere and really shows their slogan well.

Company: eTrade
Taget Audience: would be people around 30 and up. this is shown with the two little baby's because its marketing towards people who have kids.
Persuasive method: they used human interest and humor.
Camera Shots: I think they have a great camera shot because they make it look as if you are watching him on a webacam.
Slogan:Don't know what their slogan is.
Effective: It is very effective because if you ask anybody about eTrade they immediatly think of the baby.